Tashiro (tashiro) wrote,

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Neko :(

So, I finally told Cat what's bothering me. She's been very upset about Neko peeing on the floor in front of the door. I knew why she was doing it, but I tried to see if I could get her to stop. Cat's brought it up a lot lately - it's a stresser, but I'd been asking her to let the matter drop. Tonight, I finally told her why I didn't want this talked about for a little while.

See, Neko's diabetic. And her blood sugar's too high, so she's pissing a lot more than any cat has a right to. She's not on medication, but we've had her on a high protein diet to help try to lower her blood sugar.

This is a recent thing - and I've a feeling she's just been getting worse. She could have liver damage now - something that you have a risk for if you're diabetic - which would also explain why she's going to the bathroom so often.

I've set an appointment next Thursday with the vet. We're going to sit down and have a long, hard talk. Is Neko hurting? Is she going to get worse? Is there anything that can really be done for her? I've a feeling the answer isn't going to be pleasant - and this means I'm going to have to make that hard call again.

The thing is, Neko's fine other than this. She walks around the house, she comes and keeps me company, she begs for food - all the normal things a cat does. The thing is, Minou did this too, even while she was wasting away to nothing. Cats try to hide the fact they're in pain, they try to act normal for us - so you have to pay close attention to see when they're sick. And Neko's very, very sick. I've tried to make her life as comfortable as I can, but I've known - for a week or more - that this was going to be happening sooner rather than later.

And it's been quietly killing me. I've tried to ignore it - because she looks lively, she looks fine, she's acting like a cat should. But I know she's unwell, and I know the signs - I lived through having a too-high blood sugar, and I know what it's like. So I know Neko's blood has spiked, and I know what damage it's doing to her. And I know that, while she could live for months, she'd be in pain for that entire time, and it'd just be worse.

It's horribly selfish of me - I want to keep her by my side as long as I can, but that isn't fair to her. And it's tearing me apart. I've known this is coming - I knew she'd probably not be with me in the next few months, but I was trying to avoid thinking about it as long as possible.

15 years. I've tried to give her the best 15 years of my life as I could. It doesn't feel like 15 years - it feels like so much shorter, it's hard to believe I've had her for so long. (Neko's the brown kitty. The orange one is Malkin).

Malkin & Neko print

Tags: cats, life
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